I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
