ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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