Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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