She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
