it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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