btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Are we still banned from the library?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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