I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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