every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
