so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
