im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
