I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
