Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
