I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
