If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize