Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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