Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
