i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I believe in your delicious
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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