it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
