we made out on top of his cat.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
