i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
