You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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