she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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