After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
