saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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