Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
