dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I think my moral compass just broke
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
