Screwed.edu
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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