too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize