Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
