You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
