you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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