Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
