I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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