Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
