The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
His nipple licking is glorious
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