my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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