eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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