and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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