No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
