no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you would pick up someone in the library
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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