Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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