I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize