A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The best revenge is premature balding
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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