I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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