dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
