so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
