thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
