I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
