Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
