you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
