then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
