i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
