if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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