..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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