i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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