Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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