My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
