Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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