bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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