Someone shit on the floor
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
People in love make me want to vomit
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
