After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She bit a glass in half.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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