just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
