New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
