jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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