Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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