Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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