I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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