My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
