I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
