I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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