watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
