Cold hands, warm shart.
I want to have your abortion
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
