I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
