This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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