I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
