Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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