guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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