Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
