just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
