I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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