Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
