What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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